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Literature Text

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much thanks to *Adeimantus for the in depth critique

pictures in preview composite:

robin on a lime stick -
[link]

a child's drawing of the cyprus invasion -
[link]


the fate of Ülfet Osman -
[link]
© 2006 - 2024 zphoenixdownz
Comments5
BasementWall's avatar
Seriously, way good. Because:
-a creepy speaker (who isn't you), serving the stuff up
-the subtle sloppiness of sexuality ("fruit of flesh,"
"viscum," etc.), worked in to affect the mood
-the balance of the stanzas, which are artificially peaceful and calm, just like the freaking dish
-lots of good lines that don't sound like you're trying really hard to write good lines...they're just there

Baby issues:
-I read your title, wondered what it was, so went to Wikipedia. Clearly, so did you (I think). Are there too many parallels? i.e. is it too obvious that it was a source?
-Wiki. didn't, however, tell me about the historical context that shows up in the last stanza. It may have been my least favorite because I didn't quite get it, or it may be because the unbridled feelings of the poem suddenly sounded . . . political. I know, I know, that's not a bad thing . . . but it felt (mildly) unnecessary here.
-"Judas kisses"--the closest thing to a cliche here. It's laden, sure, but that's why 221,000 other websites have the phrase "judas kiss" on them.
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